Since I returned from Guatemala in the Winter of 2013, something wasn’t right. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks – fever, aches, swollen glands, night sweats. A million supplements couldn’t make me feel healthy. Three weeks later, and a pissed off boss at my old job, I finally felt right again. Sort of.
My struggle with Epstein Barr Virus (EBV) has been SO real – consuming, debilitating, eye opening. When you don’t feel healthy/normal on a daily basis, you wonder, what am I doing wrong? Then ensues the detoxes, cleanses, doctor visits, alternative medicine, many misdiagnosis (so much $$ spent with no results). With a debilitating illness like EBV, you may look healthy on the outside, but the fatigue and chronic infections make you wonder if you are going crazy! At least, that has been my experience over the course of four years as I’ve learned how to heal and thrive after re-occurring EBV.
It has taken me four years to find a practitioner to correctly diagnose me, and I’m beyond grateful. Anyone with a chronic illness knows it can be a difficult path – finding someone who believes in you and wants to help you find a solution. Honestly, I think that was the hardest part of this journey. When blood tests show up “normal” but you don’t feel normal, you have to be open to talking about your pain and frustration in order to receive guidance (whether you take it or not) – at least that’s what I believe. The right people will come into your life.
This journey has not been an easy one. Part of me believes I’ve lost 4 years of my life; but the other part of me can find the happiness in those four years – a happiness that drowns out the illness. I met the man of my dreams, turned 30, traveled to Mexico, Thailand & Bali, and got married surrounded by friends and family. I may have lost some friends along the way due to my inability to be present for all events, but so is life. My heart has softened, my outlook on life has turned brighter, more optimistic. My priorities have shifted. All lessons learned during this journey have been invaluable and I guess I wouldn’t have it any other way.
When some days are tougher than others, I’m reminded:
“Very little grows on a jagged rock. Be Ground. Be Crumbled. So wildflowers will come up where you are.” – Rumi